Weighbridge fun and games. Or don't be a bloody idiot, Lardy Arse!

Well that was a fun weekend.

Having recorded the weight of every item loaded into the van and having already bought an upgraded weight plate and certificate I thought it would be a good idea to take the van to the local weighbridge which is only 5 minutes away from storage to prove my calculations are correct.

The site is a quarry so is usually involved in the loading of HGVs with rock and gravel and although they have done a couple of caravans it's still quite a novelty to them.

So explaining to the guy in reception that it was only the van I needed weighing and having received the obligatory hard hat, Hi-viz jacket and safety briefing (don't fall under the 44 tonne Lorries or massive plant machinary) I drove to the weighbridge, unhitched and moved the car off the weighbridge.

Imagine my shock (and horror) to find that the van was 100kg over the original MTPLM and 35kg over the new increased MTPLM.  Hell-up, what the flying f*ck is going on?

OK calm down hitch up and take the van back to storage and park up!

Right!  Let's run those calculations again...and again....and again.......Nope no difference in my calculations it works out the same everytime.

Back down the van, check that the water heater isn't full (that'd be 20kg), have I managed to sneak another 80kg of something into the van and not realised?
No obviously not, why is the van so damn heavy!

Back to the house.....Spreadsheet out again....Are the gas bottles, waste containers, etc. in MIRO for that year or not?  Still panicing!............Read up on every source I can find......Nope sums still the same..........Weight still 100kg over the expected calculated weight, WHY!

Just getting ready for bed 2 nights later and I run through the scenario again in my mind in slow time.  How did it go?

1, Drive on weigh plate.  Unhitch and drive car off weigh plate.
2, Walk back onto the weight plate to go up to the 'control pod'.
3, At the bottom of the steps look up and see the weight displayed on the large digital display 1380kg!
4, Go up steps to get ticket, 1380kg on the print out.
5, "Shit!" I say to weighbridge operator 100kg over legal weight.
6, Walk back down stairs.  Look up again at the display, 1380kg it still says quite clearly.
7, Drive car back hitch up, 2710kg no problem well under the max drive chain weight.

So why is the van so damn heavy - 100kg over calculated weight?  Why, why, WHY?

Then that awful feeling of self-realisation that you are a complete and utter f*cking idiot!
How heavy am I?  About 100kg?
Get the scales out, yep just about spot on 100kg (Which isn't bad it's the same as when I left the Navy 25 years ago).
Deduct 100kg from weighbridge reading and guess what!  7kg difference between my calculation and the actual adjusted reading.  THANK GOD FOR THAT WE CAN TOW THE VAN!

So all that drama because my fat arse was on the weighbridge when the guy took the measurement!

Panic over!  65kg of load still available!   !AND BREATH!